I just don't know what to blog about any more; so many of my thoughts these days are either completely stream-of-consciousness or too personal. Either way, I can't imagine it being very interesting to anyone else but myself. That, and I'm super lazy and forgetful - even if something interesting did happen, I'd most likely forget about it by the time I dragged myself to a computer to blog about it! Haha. =P

I thought I would use this website to focus on my photography more, but (1) I haven't had too many opportunities to go shooting lately, and (2) I'm starting to use Flickr more to host my pictures instead!

I'm also spending more time on Facebook (if you haven't already created an account, you should! It's a pretty fun social network portal... think Friendster, but way more interesting, interactive and fun! ;)).

Wow... I can't believe I'll be leaving for China in 3 weeks! I'm super excited about what God has in store for us! I think this truly will be a pivotal year for me, in many different aspects of my life. God seems to have set many things in motion...

In the meantime, here's some silliness for your enjoyment:

Bow down and respect my nerdiness, you mere mortals! Muahahahaha!!! ;P

Noooooooo... Yau-man got voted off! Stupid Dreamz!!! >_<

I really wanted to see him win it all (as I'm sure he would have, if he made it to the final 3)... but can't really blame Dreamz and Earl for what they did though. *sigh*

...Man... that final tribal council had to be the most VICIOUS one I've ever seen! Lots of bitterness there, LOL.

Ahh well... once Yau-man got voted off, I think it was really obvious that Earl was going to win it all, unless Dreamz got sympathy votes... but even then, I think he pissed way too many people off!

...I totally don't buy Dreamz' claim that he knew what he was doing from the beginning! The guy is freaking RANDOM and two-faced! Don't give me that crap about how he PLANNED to betray Yau-man from the onset of the deal when he cries in front of the cameras and talks about being a "man of his word" during his private interviews! He's either lying to himself, or carried the whole "trick everyone plan" to an unnecessary extreme!

I give props to Yau-man for being such a classy and gracious loser, and how he totally encourages Dreamz! I think Yau-man nailed it when he described Dreamz as having "flashes of genius... just really unstructured in his thinking."
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WHOA... next season's Survivor will be based in China??? DEFINITELY must watch!

Wow... so sad that the Amazing Race, Survivor, NHL, and NBA seasons are all ending - what am I going to do until football season?? Hahaha, j/k! ;P

So it got me thinking... why is the atmosphere so much more insane than in the Sharks games?

I think it boils down to:
- They play music (mostly hip hop, and/or stuff with a really upbeat beat) throughout the game, which helps the fans stay pumped up. In hockey, they stop playing the music once the puck drops.
- They encourage people to stand and cheer. At the Shark Tank, you pretty much have to sit down and lean back, otherwise you completely block the view of the person behind you. This kinda keeps fans subdued.
- Warriors fans haven't seen the playoffs in 13 years... so they have lots of pent-up excitement!
- It's easier for your average sports fan to get into basketball and understand what's going on. There were LOTS of younger people at the Warriors game! Plus, you saw stars like Jessica Alba, Snoop Dawg, Carlos Santana cheering on the Warriors... no one famous seems to go to Sharks games! =(

To put things into perspective: when Patty Marleau scored his game-clinching goal in round 1 vs. Nashville, the Shark Tank EXPLODED... it was so freaking loud in there that they had to stop play for a few minutes to wait for us fans to settle down! It was like that MOST OF THE WARRIORS GAME tonight!!! People just remained standing for most of the game, yelling and cheering... that was truly an awesome experience!

Even though I paid out the nose for these Warriors tickets, it was completely worth it! In fact, I think I'll have to continue going to Warriors and Sharks games as long as they're still in the playoffs!!!

Man... I think I'm still deaf in both ears... and I don't think I'll be able to talk for a few days! Hahaha. =D

I was reading the World of Warcraft forums and came across this snippet:

"...I know he had some issues with his mom always hitting him really hard while he'd try to do instances with us, and it'd make it tough for him to play. Anyway, on Maulgar we had a great pull and suddenly you hear his mom find him on the computer and start screaming at the top of her lungs. He had vent on the whole time and we could hear her just beating the ever loving crap out of him! You could hear him crying as she was calling him an "UGLY CROSS EYED FAT PIECE OF !#!!" and slapping the hell out of his face..."

Inexplicably, as I read that... I couldn't help but choke up as I envisioned the brokenness of that family... of an overweight guy struggling with self-image and self-esteem, vainly trying to escape a depressing reality through video games... only to be beat down - both physically and mentally - by someone who should be trying to build him up.

Perhaps I'm over-reacting, but it's hard not to when I used to be that kid... a lonely, depressed, suicidal kid just crying out for a light in the darkness! I constantly praise God for sending dear friends who loved me and never gave up on me - neither did they allow me to give up on myself. Through them, God gave me hope and promise of a new life...

I think this is part of why I have such a soft spot for the youth... when I think back on all the stupid things I've done, I know that God wants me to use these experiences to empathize with others who struggle, and encourage them to a healthier life.

I spent the rest of the evening praying for that family, and all the other broken families around the world...

Thank you God for your love and the example you give us in Christ Jesus! I pray that you constantly remind me of what a broken person I am, and how much more of you I need in my life!

I swear, Sharks fans are some of the best fans out of any sport! (A's fans are hardcore too... but I guess I'm biased, haha)

I knew tonight would be crazy after all the cheap shots that Nashville took on the Sharks in the first 2 games, but tonight was just insane! I loved it!!! After Patty Marleau scored the 3rd goal to put the game away, the place just erupted! You seriously could not hear yourself think! Hahaha... I probably lost my voice for the next few days, LOL.

Man... I love hockey! It seriously is the best sport to play AND watch!

I kinda regret not getting tickets for the other games of the Sharks-Preds series... but I suppose it's a blessing in disguise: I can save more money for the later rounds, and of course, the STANLEY CUP!

GO SHARKS!!!!

Thinking about Sanjaya (and the fact that he beat out better singers) irks me. *sigh*

/rant

Praying with and for others also naturally creates fellowship - a bond that seems inherently organic, pure and genuine! When you're sharing the presence of God together, you can't help BUT to feel more love and connection with those around you. =)

Which is why I count it such a privilege to be able to pray so freely, and for others!
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I think my experiences with youth ministry and teaching overseas has firmly convicted me that any teacher who says they they don't have any favorite (students) is LYING!! Hahaha... as much as you try to be as impartial as possible, inwardly, you're beaming when one of your "favorites" does something to continue setting them apart from the others. =) I think I've gotten over the guilt of such feelings for the most part - after all, Jesus himself picked out 12 disciples to focus on, right? =D

These experiences have also confirmed what I suspected about myself for many years now: if God ever blesses me with a daughter, she's soooo going to be daddy's girl! =P

It's always awesome to worship and have fellowship with the WCC community - the presence of the HS always is so much more tangible, such that I can't help but feel joy! In many ways, it reminds me of the sensations I have when I serve overseas!

As always, I feel like I've been blessed by the Lord so much more than I deserve; I received specific experiences and confirmations which answered past prayers and helped set what seems to be my next steps into motion!

It's been an amazing journey and process that God's taken me these past 4 years; well, all my life, really... but especially these past few years! Many things are set in motion, and I'm very excited to see where the Lord leads me in faith!
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I had the opportunity to rent and try out some lenses for WCC. Oh man, bad move... because now, I'm seriously wanting to buy new equipment!!! Well, it doesn't help that most of my lenses got stolen at a wedding I shot!

But yeah, I'm really drooling over the 35mm f/1.4 L - such a sweet lens! Plus, I still want to replace my 70-200mm f/2.8 L IS and 85mm f/1.8! *sigh*

I went to Kansas City this past weekend with 2 friends from church to visit the International House of Prayer, which basically is a missions base focused around Spirit-led prayer and worship, 24/7! I wasn't sure what to expect, but I praise God for being an awesome and faithful God! I had an amazing time just basking in His presence - they have these prayer rooms open 24/7 which have different worship teams that rotate every 2 hours, comprised of some seriously talented people!

It's an amazing privilege and blessing to be able to spend so much uninterrupted time in prayer and reading the Word... even more of a blessing that I got to share the experience with 2 other friends, and have some fun yet meaningful fellowship time with each other outside of, well, fellowship! =)

Obviously, there's so much more to share about what I experienced this past weekend, but that's a conversation best done in person. =)

On a completely random note: I couldn't believe that food pretty much cost the same price as in the Bay Area! So much for my preconceived notion that everything in the middle of the country would be dirt cheap! ;P

Thank you Lord for being such a faithful and loving God! Your blessings and grace far exceed what I deserve!

The family wanted me to give the eulogy at my grandma's funeral service; I really praise God for answering prayers and giving me the words to share with everyone there. I shared some fond memories about my grandma, and was able to integrate how God is the true provider of love and comfort in a way that honored both her and God. People came up afterwards to express how touched they were by my sharing, and asked about my faith.

It's very poignant and poetic in a sense; I had been praying for my grandparents' salvation... prayers which weren't answered. But even in my dear grandma's death, God provided opportunities for new seeds of life to be planted in the rest of the family. In many ways, it reminds me of how Jesus came to die for us all, so that we may have salvation and eternal life.

(Click here if you have problems viewing the video.)

It's pretty cool that they decided to use my pics for most of the video... it's helped me feel re-energized and ready to take more pics this year. I've also been walking around more... both to clear my head, and to find new inspirations for photography ideas. =)

During the car ride over to my grandparents' house, my mind and emotions felt completely numb... I wasn't sure what to think or how to feel. I put on my headset, listened to some worship music, and started praying...

When we got to the house, most of the family already were there... in various states of mourning. In the corner of the living room lay my grandma, forever still. It looked like she had died peacefully in her sleep, while resting in her favorite chair...

As I stood there staring at my lifeless grandma, I reminisced about the past - how I used to run around this house as a child, how my grandma used to take care of us... yet, I still felt so strangely numb.

"Why am I so numb? Am I really a heartless person?"
"Am I the same person who starts choking up during stupid sappy movies? How come I can't even shed a tear for my own grandma??"

I prayed, asking God to remove the hardness in my heart...

As the funeral home workers prepared my grandma's body for transport, something started stirring in my heart as the reality of the situation finally sunk in. I leaned in to give a final hug and kiss to my grandma - her body had already become deathly cold.

The funeral home director announced a final call before moving the body... and that's when I saw my dad cry.

In my 31 years of life, I had never seen him cry and look so vulnerable before... he was the son who had to become a responsible man at a very young age, and help provide for and take care of his parents and 7 siblings. He was the son who was sold into slavery by his own dad... He always was the responsible one, and I knew my grandma loved him a lot - if not the most. Yet, my dad never let that hard past turn him into a bitter person - he was quiet and kinda goofy, but never uncaring or mean.

When my dad burst into tears, I reached over to hug him... before my own tears overwhelmed me.

Father in Heaven: I pray for your mercy and blessings upon my family. In this time of death and mourning, may my family come to know the comfort and joy of your salvation truth! Please break down the barriers that harden our hearts and prevent us from seeing You, Lord.

Other than a few drinks here and there, my Vegas experience was fairly tame. I really wish I had some friends there to socialize and enjoy the new year festivities with. *sigh*

I wasn't sure what to expect... but I imagined that the "strip" - Las Vegas Boulevard (which was closed off to cars) - would be packed with crazy, drunk party-goers until the morning! I'm not sure if it was due to the cold weather or what, but the streets pretty much cleared out around 3am. Then again, I guess people probably went off to their own clubs or parties... I know Britney Spears, Smashmouth, Prince, and a bunch of other stars were making appearances around town.

I'd say the biggest highlight by far was all the food I ate! *oink oink* We tried Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill, and had some excellent, excellent (if overpriced) southwestern food! I'm definitely impressed! If you ever stop by, I recommend the New Mexican Spice Rubbed Pork Tenderloin (if you're wary of white meat with a pink center, order it medium well)!

Oh yeah, I saw Chris Ferguson playing roulette in Caesar’s Palace. =)

Whew, finally finished processing and posting the pictures I took from the BAAYF Winter Praise. =)

I can't believe Christmas is 7 days away! I still haven't had the opportunity to sit down and fully process this past year... but there's truly so much to be thankful for, including finally getting out of credit card debt! It's incredible to think that this - once an unending source of stress and depression, and something I thought I would never escape - no longer hangs over my head! In many respects, it's a fitting analogy to how Jesus - in his infinite, redeeming grace - came down to free us all from the unending, dark debt of our sins... something that we would never be able to do ourselves!

I'm constantly left breathless at the depth of God's faithfulness and goodness... He's blessed me with the privilege to lead some small groups and watch how He's transformed their (our) lives, and blessed me with the opportunity to participate in the youth ministry... which has helped me continue feel (mostly) young at heart! ;)

I'm also thankful for this past weekend's fellowship retreat... it was a great time of hanging out, talking, playing, worshipping and praying together. I also had the opportunity to bring out my long-dormant mischievous side and TP the sisters' cars... *grin* Sadly, EVERYONE immediately suspected me!!! What the heck is up with that?? =P

It's all good though... I really hope this is the beginning of more cross-gender interactions between the sisters and brothers of the fellowship, and that this will encourage people not to take themselves so seriously! ;)

We came together for group prayer before (and after) starting the walk, and I led them into our team battle cry! Silly, but it was so awesome and encouraging to see how each person (1 other guy and the rest girls... where are all the guys? =/) responded so positively... you could just sense the change in spirit, as we truly felt like a team with a purpose... yet still had fun! =D

I really can't express how I feel... but as I observed the bright faces as they merrily went about their "mission," I couldn't help but beam as a not-so-little-piece of my heart melted. =) It just felt so... right: we were putting our faith into action, and joyfully going out to share our love! Praise God for the wonderful work that he has been stirring in their lives! It was one of those moments where it was hard NOT to drop to your knees in praise, and WANT to uplift each of them in prayer! I pray that this is the first, small step of many bigger steps to come for them! =)

(Man, this entry is sooooo poorly written and non-cohesive! Haha... *sigh*)