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January 06, 2007
Farewell grandma...
My mom woke me up this morning to give me the news: my ma ma (paternal grandmother) passed away.
During the car ride over to my grandparents' house, my mind and emotions felt completely numb... I wasn't sure what to think or how to feel. I put on my headset, listened to some worship music, and started praying...
When we got to the house, most of the family already were there... in various states of mourning. In the corner of the living room lay my grandma, forever still. It looked like she had died peacefully in her sleep, while resting in her favorite chair...
As I stood there staring at my lifeless grandma, I reminisced about the past - how I used to run around this house as a child, how my grandma used to take care of us... yet, I still felt so strangely numb.
"Why am I so numb? Am I really a heartless person?"
"Am I the same person who starts choking up during stupid sappy movies? How come I can't even shed a tear for my own grandma??"
I prayed, asking God to remove the hardness in my heart...
As the funeral home workers prepared my grandma's body for transport, something started stirring in my heart as the reality of the situation finally sunk in. I leaned in to give a final hug and kiss to my grandma - her body had already become deathly cold.
The funeral home director announced a final call before moving the body... and that's when I saw my dad cry.
In my 31 years of life, I had never seen him cry and look so vulnerable before... he was the son who had to become a responsible man at a very young age, and help provide for and take care of his parents and 7 siblings. He was the son who was sold into slavery by his own dad... He always was the responsible one, and I knew my grandma loved him a lot - if not the most. Yet, my dad never let that hard past turn him into a bitter person - he was quiet and kinda goofy, but never uncaring or mean.
When my dad burst into tears, I reached over to hug him... before my own tears overwhelmed me.
Father in Heaven: I pray for your mercy and blessings upon my family. In this time of death and mourning, may my family come to know the comfort and joy of your salvation truth! Please break down the barriers that harden our hearts and prevent us from seeing You, Lord.
Posted by stevelee at January 6, 2007 06:08 PM
Comments
Thanks for sharing this, Steve. I never have the words to console in these types of situations. My only hope is that through this, God will do great things. Keeping you in our prayers.
Posted by: Anthony at January 8, 2007 01:54 PM
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