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January 21, 2007

Life after death...

Thanks everyone for your prayers and messages of condolences about my grandma's passing.

The family wanted me to give the eulogy at my grandma's funeral service; I really praise God for answering prayers and giving me the words to share with everyone there. I shared some fond memories about my grandma, and was able to integrate how God is the true provider of love and comfort in a way that honored both her and God. People came up afterwards to express how touched they were by my sharing, and asked about my faith.

It's very poignant and poetic in a sense; I had been praying for my grandparents' salvation... prayers which weren't answered. But even in my dear grandma's death, God provided opportunities for new seeds of life to be planted in the rest of the family. In many ways, it reminds me of how Jesus came to die for us all, so that we may have salvation and eternal life.

Sadly, the winter season remains a season of mourning. Two members of my church recently passed away, and even though they are in a truly better place now, the emotional impact of their passing away has strongly affected many, including myself. But even in this season of mourning I feel that God is helping me to see and trust in His plans - how everything is set in motion for a reason, and He has plans for renewed life.

For myself, it's a reminder to remain steadfast and stand in the gap for my loved ones - especially those who haven't experienced the love of Christ. It's a reminder of the need to be humble and truly loving of ALL others. Most importantly, it's a reminder that where I am weak and weary, God is almighty... and I need to surrender and rest upon His rock.

Posted by stevelee at 11:11 PM | Comments (0)

January 09, 2007

World Christian Conference 2007

Here's a video promo for WCC this year:

(Click here if you have problems viewing the video.)

It's pretty cool that they decided to use my pics for most of the video... it's helped me feel re-energized and ready to take more pics this year. I've also been walking around more... both to clear my head, and to find new inspirations for photography ideas. =)

Posted by stevelee at 11:14 PM | Comments (2)

January 06, 2007

Farewell grandma...

My mom woke me up this morning to give me the news: my ma ma (paternal grandmother) passed away.

During the car ride over to my grandparents' house, my mind and emotions felt completely numb... I wasn't sure what to think or how to feel. I put on my headset, listened to some worship music, and started praying...

When we got to the house, most of the family already were there... in various states of mourning. In the corner of the living room lay my grandma, forever still. It looked like she had died peacefully in her sleep, while resting in her favorite chair...

As I stood there staring at my lifeless grandma, I reminisced about the past - how I used to run around this house as a child, how my grandma used to take care of us... yet, I still felt so strangely numb.

"Why am I so numb? Am I really a heartless person?"
"Am I the same person who starts choking up during stupid sappy movies? How come I can't even shed a tear for my own grandma??"

I prayed, asking God to remove the hardness in my heart...

As the funeral home workers prepared my grandma's body for transport, something started stirring in my heart as the reality of the situation finally sunk in. I leaned in to give a final hug and kiss to my grandma - her body had already become deathly cold.

The funeral home director announced a final call before moving the body... and that's when I saw my dad cry.

In my 31 years of life, I had never seen him cry and look so vulnerable before... he was the son who had to become a responsible man at a very young age, and help provide for and take care of his parents and 7 siblings. He was the son who was sold into slavery by his own dad... He always was the responsible one, and I knew my grandma loved him a lot - if not the most. Yet, my dad never let that hard past turn him into a bitter person - he was quiet and kinda goofy, but never uncaring or mean.

When my dad burst into tears, I reached over to hug him... before my own tears overwhelmed me.

Father in Heaven: I pray for your mercy and blessings upon my family. In this time of death and mourning, may my family come to know the comfort and joy of your salvation truth! Please break down the barriers that harden our hearts and prevent us from seeing You, Lord.

Posted by stevelee at 06:08 PM | Comments (1)

January 02, 2007

Vegas, baby!

I finally got to experience Vegas during New Year’s Eve. I definitely think the biggest perk of having Seven Star/Diamond (or whatever they call it) status is the ability to bypass many lines to restaurants! ;P

Other than a few drinks here and there, my Vegas experience was fairly tame. I really wish I had some friends there to socialize and enjoy the new year festivities with. *sigh*

I wasn't sure what to expect... but I imagined that the "strip" - Las Vegas Boulevard (which was closed off to cars) - would be packed with crazy, drunk party-goers until the morning! I'm not sure if it was due to the cold weather or what, but the streets pretty much cleared out around 3am. Then again, I guess people probably went off to their own clubs or parties... I know Britney Spears, Smashmouth, Prince, and a bunch of other stars were making appearances around town.

I'd say the biggest highlight by far was all the food I ate! *oink oink* We tried Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill, and had some excellent, excellent (if overpriced) southwestern food! I'm definitely impressed! If you ever stop by, I recommend the New Mexican Spice Rubbed Pork Tenderloin (if you're wary of white meat with a pink center, order it medium well)!

Oh yeah, I saw Chris Ferguson playing roulette in Caesar’s Palace. =)

Probably the most interesting event was sharing my faith while I had a massage, of all things! I think it all started off with me making small talk with the masseuse, which eventually led to deeper conversations, and her sharing about her family situation and broken relationships. I basically listened and encouraged her… honestly, I don’t know exactly what it was, but afterwards, she thanked and gave me a warm hug. She remarked that she usually doesn’t talk that much, but she felt so comfortable around me.

It’s kind of interesting… I’ve been analyzing myself recently, and notice that I’m going through a quiet, shy phase (yet again). While people are socializing and making small talk around me, I can’t seem to keep up the small talk for more than a few minutes before I get restless/tired and just stop talking. I started thinking myself a boring person (I’m sure I still am! Haha) and struggled with my self-esteem. But the conversation with the masseuse reminded me that I can be engaging and charismatic!

I guess even I get lucky every once in a while! ;P

Lord, please continue refining my heart. Help me to remain focused on praising and serving you with a humble, joyful heart every moment of my life! Teach me how to love others as you do, and to be broken for the lost!

Posted by stevelee at 11:01 PM | Comments (1)