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June 12, 2006
All good things...
It's interesting (to me! ;P) going through my archives to note the differences in writing style and content between then and now:
"Life is good. Seriously. I have a great job (albeit, not the most stable), am financially secure (see previous note), am in reasonably good health, have friends, have an awesome car... And most importantly, I have a soul mate in the love of my life, XXX. What more can I ask for?
I'm just wondering when it's going to all crash down on my head... Does that make me a pessimist? Perhaps. But I've always been one to look at and consider "all the possiblities" -- I don't like being surprised (by bad news, that is).
...What I am ashamed about is my lack of conviction and testimony. Faith, and faith alone in God is what saves souls... but I think I've reached a low point in my life where my faith is seriously lacking. Before, I'd at least make an attempt to do my daily quiet time and worship, but now? It doesn't even occur to me that I forget to say grace before my meals..."
As for this blog/site, I'm not exactly sure what I plan to do with it... I still plan to maintain my photo galleries, so perhaps this will evolve into more of a photojournal, if anything. All I can say is, thanks to all my readers who've endured entry after inane, self-gratifying entry these past 6 years... and some of you even left comments! ;)
God bless!
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When I look back on my Alpha Phi Omega days, the lasting memories I have besides partying the heart-warming friendships I made consist of volunteer service, and my gravitation towards people on the "outskirts" - whether by virtue of them feeling like social outsiders or struggling with personal problems.
No matter how busy my schedule became, I always made time for people - whether just to sit and chat with the new pledge sitting on the outskirts of the main group, or more importantly, to listen and empathize with friends going through some rough times.
Because of this, I never felt deeply connected to a particular group of friends... I was on good/friendly terms with virtually everyone, but I was spread too thin to belong to any "clique." There were many times where I felt lonely because I wasn't sure who I could call or turn to... either for my own problems, or simply to chill with in the middle of the night.
But in all honesty, I have no regrets whatsoever and appreciate these experiences. In the process of spending time with people, God has blessed me by teaching me new things about myself, others, and Himself... all of which really started taking momentum since coming to SFCAC. It has been a humbling and amazing year (2 years... maybe even 3 years), and I won't be able to fully express how much He's breaking me down... and how much work is left within me. But I look forward to that, and drawing closer to God. =)
Since joining this fellowship about 3 years ago, I felt strong convictions about certain things and behaviors. For one, similar to the message this past Sunday on "What's in your hand?" (and how God uses very ordinary, unskilled people... of which I, in all my unworthiness, would be a prime example! =)), I felt a burden to empower my small group - to free them from feelings of unworthiness and have them believe that God's grace is sufficient and covers all. It's been an incredible blessing to be able to journey with the small group God's allowed me to serve... All of them are ready for whatever next step(s) God has in store for them, and I can definitely see that they no longer need me. =)
I praise God for all of this... and know that this is part of His calling for me: these "loose ends" will be tied off so I can prepare to be used by Him in my next mission field.
I had a team meeting this past Saturday, and couldn't help but feel the tingle of excitement and joy at worshipping and spending time with brothers and sisters who share the same passion and convictions in serving the Lord!
Posted by stevelee at June 12, 2006 09:31 PM
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