While in college and for years thereafter, I participated in all the superficial Christian activities - semi-regular attendance of church, fellowship, etc. But I still felt a void in my life that I tried filling through other means: reckless partying and sinful lifestyle, adrenaline rushes... you name it, I've probably done it.

I think a tiny part of me realized how empty all these things were... but by that point, I was too consumed by guilt to "face God." I didn't think a sinner like me deserved to be in His churches, let alone talk to him in prayer!

But much like the ubiquitious poem "Footsteps In The Sand," God showed that He had never abandoned or turned His back on me - like I did to Him. I praise God for my buddy John (and Tammie!) who invited me to this new church they were attending: San Francisco Chinese Alliance Church.

Seemingly from the first Sunday I stepped foot in that sanctuary, I felt that God was ministering to me directly through Pastor Wayne's message... which continued week after week. I eventually connected with Pastor Wayne (who became my spiritual mentor) and went through difficult - but much needed - healing.

These last 2-3 years have been a whirlwind season of change - healing, humility, growth, and conviction. But through it all, I see God's hand in shaping and leading my life. Through Pastor Wayne and other people that God placed in my life, a lifetime's worth of layers of pain, hurt, and deception were (are) slowly stripped away. Just as I thought that no more tears would come, another stronghold was revealed that I had to surrender to God.

At last year's World Christian Conference, after confronting my inner demons and receiving healing, I committed myself to serving the Lord once my financial debt was erased. As that day continues drawing near, I sense more momentum in my life... all these doors are suddenly opening, and perhaps not surprisingly, the sheer amount and intensity of temptations have increased as well. For example, my profile at work has suddenly become more public and desired... and recruiters are calling with these very lucrative job opportunities...

I know during this coming season, I need to guard my heart and cling to God more desperately as I prepare for that next stage/journey of life. I know that I need to stop rationalizing things, and step out in faith in response to a seemingly clear calling. I praise God for blessing and revealing things to me in such specific ways... more than a sinner like me deserves. But that shows how loving and full of grace He is. Amen!

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.