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August 31, 2005

Expressions

Hmm... my ability to convey my passion and enthusiasm in writing has dramatically decreased these past few years. Everything sounds so... clinical and analytical. (like this sentence! =))

It's sad because if anything, I think I've become more passionate about life? It does feel like a different type of passion compared to when I was younger though -- a more mature passion, if that makes sense?

Maybe part of the problem lies in what I share? We had missions sharing this past friday at Fellowship, and I decided to read the letter I had written to my prayer supporters and friends. When I wrote that letter, it felt like it captured my experiences and feelings... at a high/general level. But as I read it aloud, the letter just sounded so... flat to my ears. Looking back, I wish I had shared specific things that happened, which demonstrated God's work and/or my raw emotions.

It's sad because one of the points I repeatedly emphasized to my students was to use a "show, but not tell" approach when sharing about personal experiences. Yet, here I am (have been) doing the opposite of what I "preached."

I suppose the reason why I'm rambling so much about this is because part of me wonders if I really am losing touch with my passion...

Or maybe, like my pastor and close friends have noted: I think too much about my performance and am too hard on myself... I need to let go, and let God.

I need so much more of you in my life, God!

...and sleep... so on that night, oyasumi~ (although, my thoughts are racing, thinking about all sorts of things... I hope I can sleep tonight...)

Posted by stevelee at August 31, 2005 11:50 PM

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