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February 26, 2005
Uber geekness!
So, what do overworked, overstressed enginerds at Paypal do to keep their sanity(???) intact in the midst of yet another late night?
Well, if you're my super nerdy friend Jack (I mean that with all respect, seriously), you make Mario characters out of colored post-its for National Engineers Week!
Hahaha, that's so awesome! I would totally do the same thing at my workplace, except:
(1) I haven't found any kindred geeks at work; seems like all the engineers here are in that "too cool" mindset -- can you believe I got weird looks for sounding excited about Disneyland?? (Hey, stop staring at me! ;P)
(2) I can't think of an optimal place to put up something similar at work, even if I chose to go out on my own. =/
Posted by stevelee at 02:15 AM | Comments (0)
February 21, 2005
World Christian Conference
"GLORY! The conference was absolutely awesome. We worshipped our hearts out---and then some more! There was such a deep hunger for Jesus that was contagious. God was in our midst and we basked in His beautiful presence for hours." -- Pure in Heart (the group that led us in worship)
[Their album is AWESOME, btw... I highly recommend it!]
Amen! I want to share the full extent of the powerful experiences I had this past weekend... but unless you're Christian, none of it will make sense. (I'd be happy to share it in person, though. =))
Instead, I'll sum it all by saying: God is the awesome, living and faithful God!
During my APhiO time, one of the most powerful experiences came from singing the Toast Song during the Nationals Conference. 3000 men and women from diverse backgrounds, with hands linked around the room, would lift their voices as one. That always sent chills down my spine.
But this past weekend, I got to experience what happens when 450+ brothers and sisters from diverse backgrounds, unified by their love and conviction for God, lift their voices and hands in complete worship. Let's just say... the toast song experience is a pale, pale imitation. =)
I also discovered that I am very attracted to passion -- especially (specifically?), passion for God. As I saw this one person sing, and how she completely surrendered herself in worship (I know... that probably doesn't make sense unless you're Christian), my heart melted.
Someone who would love God more than she would love me.
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Did you know: when you see the word "faith" in the Bible, the original Hebrew word used is a verb? So a more correct usage of "faith" as it appears in the Bible would be faithing, a verb. Did you also know that faith is spelled R-I-S-K (no, I'm not being literal)? I'll let you ponder on that. =)
Finally, here's a very practical/helpful challenge: wake up early to spend time with God, and let Him be the last thing that occupies your mind (e.g., through worship songs) before you sleep.
Posted by stevelee at 11:25 PM | Comments (2)
February 17, 2005
Geek, I Am
A co-worker sent out an email with "Who you gonna call?" as the subject. To which I responded: "don't cross the streams!"
We then go on to exchange memorable quotes before making a tangent about 80s movies in general. Once he brought up Tron, it was game over! I started babbling excitedly about the light bikes, and reminiscing about throwing frisbees around... hahahaha...
OK, after re-reading this... this was definitely a "you had to be there" moment. =P
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Well... I had to do it. As a die-hard Final Fantasy fanatic, I couldn't let the San Francisco concert pass without attending... I know I'd regret it, otherwise! ^_^;
Now, if only my brother had accepted my offer to buy us both tickets when I first talked about it, we'd actually have decent seats! Grrr.
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Speaking of symphony... looks like I'll be playing cello for one of the communion services! I know it should be completely about God, and not my own performance... but I'm really looking forward to it! ...I really miss playing cello...
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Really looking forward to WCC this weekend. It's been really stressful at work -- although my manager's glowing feedback made me feel totally validated -- and I need to get away! I just wish I had one full day of rest/vegging. =(
Posted by stevelee at 10:00 PM | Comments (1)
February 15, 2005
Baby Got Book!
On a completely different note from the somber entries of late, Kristy sent me this hilarious (well, maybe you have to be Christian ;)) "remake" of Sir Mix-a-lot's Baby Got Back!
"Oh, oh... me so holy!" Hahahaha... =P
Posted by stevelee at 09:22 PM | Comments (0)
Emotionally Constipated...
Feb. 16 Update: I think it really was a combo of stress and lack of sleep that's left me feeling blah lately. I had a one-on-one meeting with my manager about my performance, and left feeling really good. =) ...Still haven't accounted for the "identity change" though...
...I don't exactly feel sad, nor do I feel happy. I just feel... blah.
I think I need some excitement/change in my life?
Speaking of change... I really don't know what my identity is anymore. In the past, if nothing else, I could always be described by my smile, and by my "sweet, caring personality." (not my words! hehe) I had many close female friends, but not many close guy friends. Back then, I really didn't know which guys I could/would ask to be my groomsmen. I always had felt more comfortable talking to girls than guys.
Fast forward to today... my smile seems more forced at work, and I honestly don't know if I could describe myself as sweet and caring. Sure, I still care and think about my friends... but it feels like I'm not as willing to go that extra mile anymore? I now have a bunch of good guy friends -- in fact, I now feel more comfortable hanging around with the guys than girls.
Hopefully it's just due to my tiredness, but I've been feeling more apathetic these days.
Yet, it seems like I "emotionally/mentally awaken" more intensely than ever when I talk with people, and hear about their problems/concerns - whether I've known them all my life or just recently. Like in my last entry, I felt sad and concerned after reading through the xangas of some people from church... or upon learning that my co-worker's wife underwent surgery to remove a benign tumor... Perhaps I have an inherent need to nurture and care for others?
Posted by stevelee at 07:46 PM | Comments (3)
February 13, 2005
Communities...
Middle of the night update: As I read some new xangas tonight -- and related to their raw pain and confusion, I thought it no coincidence that I suddenly remembered a conversation with JJ: because we both had gone through so many struggles with various temptations and sins over the years, if we could release our ...pride(?), we could give a very powerful testimony about how God transformed and worked in our lives.
I still feel like God is calling me to serve Him more... in a way that I have never served before. I still believe that it's related to missions work... but tonight, God opened my eyes to the possibility that perhaps He's called me to serve locally, rather than in another country...
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I had a pretty random weekend, so it's only appropriate that I write a pretty random entry, eh? ;)
I drove my M3 for the first time in months! Haha, yep... now that I'm working again, I can afford to bring my "baby" out of retirement! Man... I thought I was past the whole racing/modifying phase, but after talking with Calvin this past Friday about modifying cars and such, I'm totally daydreaming about the stuff again!
In fact, because of our conversation, I called AAA the very next day to get insurance for my car, and just went driving around the city! =D As I wrapped my hands around the steering wheel, it really felt like I was getting reacquainted with an old, familiar friend... pretty soon, I couldn't keep the stupid grin off my face as I took another sharp turn (safely, of course) or listened to the music my car's engine/exhaust made as I accelerated! Hehe...
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After choir practice today, I had lunch with some brothers and sisters from church, along with Viv's parents -- both of whom recently came to know Christ! Turned out that I knew their son, as we had gone to elementary school together! Hahaha... as we sat there, pieces just started coming together: their last name, Viv's resemblance, the brother's name (yeah, I can be really slow sometimes)... finally, I had to blurt out:
"What year was your brother born??"
"1975"
"Hey... did he go to Robert Louis Stevenson for elementary school?"
Yep, turned out to be the same guy! Before I could stop myself, I started blurting out some random memories from elementary school: like how we used to be on crosswalk patrol together, how we were in orchestra together ("he played violin, right?")... I can even recall what his voice sounded like back then, and where they lived!
Kinda funny/sad how I have a pretty good long-term memory, but my short-term one sucks! Hehe. ...I think I just need more sleep. =P
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After lunch, went to my "usual" study spot (even though I've been slacking recently... *cough*) with Heidi -- an in-the-closet geek! Haha, hi Heidi! ;P
I think we got a little studying done before we spent the rest of the time chatting away. Haha. It was very cool to find out how similar our personalities, interests and experiences were (we're both weirdos, hehe)! It was the first time I had this deep and long (not to mention, expressive!) of a conversation with a sister from my church, and I feel so incredibly thankful.
Not to lessen or take away anything from that awesome conversation and Heidi, but... I guess part of me feels a little sad that... here I am, having this wonderful conversation and building up a friendship with someone from the same church community... but, in all the time I've been in Career fellowship, I can't really say the same with the sisters from there. I mean, don't get me wrong -- they're all wonderful people, we hang out, chit-chat and all... but it never seems to progress or deepen from there. Or maybe it's just me?
I look at the College group, and I sometimes envy how tight-knit they seem... guys and girls, together. Their easy-going banter and affection for each other.
...Do you know what's sad? I remember commenting in an old entry about how hugs between guys and gals seemed almost taboo in the Career group. It almost never happened. Coming from an organization (APhiO) where everyone was hugging everyone, the clear separating line between male and female seemed so... odd. But I guess the constant non-display of cross-gender affection caught up with me... Tonight, I *thought* Heidi was about to hug me and another sister goodbye, but before I could catch myself, I noticed myself pulling back...
So I guess... affection is something that can be learned... and unlearned? Sadness...=/
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I'm sick. Again. Ugh... I just hope I recover in time for WCC!
Posted by stevelee at 10:36 PM | Comments (0)
February 02, 2005
Masterlife Musings...
(I suppose this is a combination praise/testimony/prayer request... thanks for reading and bearing with me. =))
During lunch today, a friend asked me: "So has Masterlife class been a life-transforming experience?"
I replied: "I wouldn't call it life-transforming, but it's been a good experience -- it reinforced fundamental Christian principles, led me to become more disciplined..."
Well, as I did my quiet time/Masterlife studying tonight, I realized that Masterlife had indeed transformed my life! Perhaps my life has not changed in a single, miraculous, overnight transformation, but in a steady, gradual process instead.
When I first came to Alliance church about two years ago, I remember the joy and awe I felt: of God's timing in relating Pastor Wayne's messages to my struggles, of the love and encouragement I felt from the community. I also remember feeling completely unworthy of God's grace and of calling myself a "Christian."
"How could God possibly love and forgive a sinner like me, who turned his back on Him?"
Somewhere along the line, my feelings changed. I felt like I was maturing in my faith -- I became more sensitive to the Great Commission and the needs of others, I made the commitment to confess my hidden sins and live a life pleasing in God's eyes, I took my quiet time more seriously. But somehow, it didn't quite feel right; I felt (false?) contentment, but not peace... I lacked joy in the Lord.
Pastor Wayne told me once that I had to seek contentment in God. As I progressed through Masterlife, I finally realized -- admitted to myself -- that I wasn't seeking contentment in God, but tried finding it through my work and other selfish desires.
As I reflected upon these thoughts, especially on not feeling joy or fulfillment, God led me to Psalms 51 and Ephesians 4:22-32. Suddenly, it all made sense... in my pride, I lost sight of the sinner that I was and of depending upon God in all things.
So after all this, I have to say: "Yes, Masterlife has transformed my life." =)
Please keep me in your prayers: that I continue to learn humility, that I seek contentment and place complete faith in the Lord, and that I remain dedicated to studying and reflecting on God's word.
Thanks all for reading this long email and your prayers! =)
Posted by stevelee at 10:41 PM | Comments (0)