« My summer in a nutshell | Main | Closure and New Beginnings »
August 03, 2004
Mid-Summer Reflections
I've been feeling mostly peaceful and calm these days. I feel happy too, and smiling most of the time... ever since that last argument with my mom, I've been trying to appreciate her and everyone/everything else in my life.
I wish I could say I feel "true" joy -- the happiness and carefree-ness that comes from appreciating and trusting in Him, but I know I'm not quite there yet. I guess it's just something that will come in time, as I continue maturing spiritually.
On a positive note, I continue trying to "keep it real" in my life. Just being truthful and sincere, with no pretension (pretentiousness? fronting?) or false pride... for the most part. Yeah, definitely still a work in progress. ^^; But you know what? It feels damn good... and freeing. For example, when I went into interviews in the past, I would almost always tense up because I tried too hard to impress my interviewers. But for my most recent interviews, when I made a mistake or had to explain some weakness in my application, I smiled it off and explaind the situation. Without the usual feelings of shame or self-defensiveness. I wanted to present my interviewers with a look at the "real me," so they would know what kind of person they would be working with... it would be up to them to accept me or not.
It also helped to try viewing things from their perspective: do we want to work with someone who's tense, quiet and self-defensive or someone who's friendly, sincere and easy-going? On the fellowship front, seems that ever since that romantic relationships workshop at fellowship, people have been more open with each other... while no one else has outright said "Yeah, I gotta cut back on surfing for internet pr0n or having unprotected s-e-x" (yet?) there's definitely a greater sense of honesty and accountability. Within the same gender groups of course, but nevertheless, I think a huge step in the right direction.
I still suffer from occasional bouts of shyness, but I'm warming up faster now! Hehe. It's an active act of mentally kicking myself in the ass and keeping the above lessons in mind. =) ...I think I just suck in group situations, which is why I'm all too eager to engage someone in one-on-one conversation.
=====
Oh btw, I'm working again. =D
Best thing about the place is how many cool people work there... and the fact that we're literally across the street from Pacbell Park -- I can go to all the A's games! Haha. ;P
In light of my temper and confrontations with my mom, I found this blurb from this past Sunday's program particularly meaningful -- definitely God talking to me: =)
When someone throws an inflammatory or critical comment our way, it's tempting to take the bait and get into an argument or internally bristle at what he or she said. A better way to handle the situation is to bypass the bait and "READ."
Remain calm
Number one rule.
Echo and inquire
You may choose to offer a quick question or reflection to check your perception.
Agree
The quickest way to neutralize a critic is to agree with him/her. Agree with the part of the criticism that is valid. Or agree with the critic's right to an opinion. You don't need to agree with the entire assessment, just find a part that you can agree with. At the very least, you can agree that they have the right to think the way they do.
Disclosure
If appropriate, follow up your argument with a quick statement in which you disclose your opinion or intent.
This technique is particularly helpful when you are dealing with people with a grumpy disposition who make inflammatory, opinionated, off-the-cuff comments and have no particular issue to resolve.
Example
Emily's mother drops over for coffee unannounced. She walks in and comments: "Your house is always messy." Instead of taking the bait, Emily READs: "I agree my kitchen is messy right now. (Agree) I am planning on cleaning it after supper." (Disclose)
Posted by stevelee at August 3, 2004 01:44 AM
Comments
Congrats!
As for the diffusing tactics, you'd be surprised at how caught off guard most people would be.
Posted by: mare at August 4, 2004 09:13 AM
Hi Steve,
Glad to see things going your way! Keep your head up and try your best! You can teach my old dood some of these...haha...
take care and god bless...
Posted by: Huong at August 5, 2004 03:40 AM
forgot to tell u that i went to the A's Root Beer Float Day...i got Byrnes and Crosby to each autograph a ball. I also took pictures with Vida Blue and Carney Lansford. Dennis Eckersley bobblehead this Sunday! Go A's.....First Place baby!
Posted by: craig at August 9, 2004 01:07 PM
Post a comment
Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)
(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)