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August 14, 2004
Closure and New Beginnings
After my ex and I broke up, a small part of me had always wanted to contact her to bring closure to our relationship. For those who knew the story, we didn't part on the most amicable of terms... and I've wanted to let her know that I held no ill will and to wish her the best.
But years passed, and in my mind, it became silly -- maybe selfish? -- to contact her, especially about this. Maybe part of me was afraid of digging up emotional skeletons best left behind?
One weekend out of the blue, someone rang the doorbell... and it turned out to be her. She was moving her stuff out (how fitting, eh?) to prepare for med school down south. We returned some items to each other -- anniversary gifts, promise rings, etc. -- but most importantly, I was able to look her in the eyes and express my sincere congratulations and best wishes to her... and to her bf standing beside her.
The best part about the whole thing was how I felt nothing other than joy and peace -- no pride-inspired feelings or selfish things like that. Praise God. =)
In many ways, our relationship was unique (well, I suppose all relationships are...), such as her being the only ex I've ever talked to after breaking up... and now, I can completely close that chapter of my life. =)
Other than that, life has been great. =) I'm feeling happy and thankful for everything... for one, I enjoy my job; it doesn't pay much, but I love the environment -- everyone there is young, smart and very cool! Plus, I've never seen so many good-looking CS people in the same place, at the same time!! Hahaha... I think just the fact that I'm getting paid again, and doing something more productive with my life, adds a great deal to my self-esteem.
As an aside, I discovered today that some of my co-workers/managers were involved with Cameron House and that we know mutual friends! Very cool.. but also kinda shows what a small city San Francisco really is. =) Sometimes, I contemplate moving elsewhere (somewhere warmer, really... lol), but I know how hard it'll be to leave the familiarity of "home" behind: the friends, church and memories...
I'm also thankful for the church retreat/family camp I went to this past weekend. I needed the time away from the city to just focus on God and fellowship with my brothers and sisters. I just wish I had more time... I feel like God's blessed me with so much recently, and preparing my heart for... something else. I just notice all these positive changes within me and the people around me -- my family and I are... well, really starting to feel like a family again... And I'm actually willing to play volleyball and basketball! That hasn't happened since elementary school! Haha.
In short, I've really been trying to place God first in my life, and feeling blessed for it. It's amazing how much more positive my attitude's become since that... I'm also humbled by the friendships I've made, and the impact I apparently have made in others' lives... when I first arrived at camp, I heard some little voices yelling out something. I looked over to find a bunch of the kids waving at me, yelling: "Hi, tea guy!"
Hahaha... that warmed my heart... I love "my" kids. (For any new readers: I help prepare the coffee/tea/snacks for church in between service and Sunday school =)) Remember me mentioning a while back about some high school girls I've decided to take as my little sises (unbeknownst to them, haha)? And how I expressed hesitation about butting my head in, uninvited? Well, that also changed... at camp, when I saw one of my girls get picked on, I took her aside privately to chat... just to make sure everything was OK and stuff. =)
I'm sure you're all thinking: "Steve, will you shut up already and post more pics?!" Don't worry, I'm still working on them! Hehe. Gotta prepare for some FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFTS, baby!!!!
(Wow, this entry started going all over the place, huh? Me being tired and scatterbrained as always! =/)
Posted by stevelee at August 14, 2004 02:22 AM
Comments
"We returned some items to each other -- anniversary gifts, promise rings, etc. -- but most importantly, I was able to look her in the eyes and express my sincere congratulations and best wishes to her... and to her bf standing beside her."
You exchanged promise rings in front of the current boyfriend?! You're definitely a brave and graceful soul.
Posted by: mare at August 17, 2004 10:21 AM
Actually, I didn't return much (esp. nothing along the lines of a promise ring or something), and I was just expecting CDs back from her... but when I went through the bag later, that's when I found the returned gifts. I had almost forgotten all about them...
Posted by: steve at August 17, 2004 09:47 PM
hi Steve! I hope you are doing well. I sure hope I will feel like you are right now for my ex. Maybe in the next couple months. you are a great guy, good things will come your way!
Posted by: Huong at August 19, 2004 11:42 AM
wow, so glad you were able to get the closure you wanted. i rather like these personal excerpts from steve's life. :)
Posted by: gg at August 23, 2004 09:30 AM
hey steve, it's linda from tpr... whoohoo another blog to read while i'm at work haha... esp now that i bring my laptop in and can check email right at my desk :P good to meet you!
Posted by: lindapinda at August 23, 2004 11:24 PM
Thanks for the comments all. =) I want to say more, but I think I'll save that for a future update... just need time to process my thoughts... and to work on my pics! (More sleep would rock, too!) Hehe. But I really appreciate you all keeping me in your thoughts!
Posted by: steve at August 24, 2004 12:22 AM
I TOTALLY know what you mean!!! =o) We gotta catch up!!!
Posted by: JJ at August 29, 2004 02:08 AM
hey steve.. geez. what i come across under my `FAVORITE CATEGORY` haha. but yes i thought i might read. it's kinda old. like a month old but it brings a smile to my face that i'm not alone in the family as a CHRISTIAN. it's all go0d & everything. i went to a retreat in august about the same time you did. it was great. i know i have to work on putting G0D first in my life also & its getting there.. daily devotions, continual prayer &such. i'm just happy to see a brother in CHRIST within the family. :) hope to talk to you so0n.
IN HIM
___M0NiCAAA
[James 1:2]
Posted by: M0N your little cousin at September 6, 2004 08:07 PM
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